sufferheir | SECRET AMBIGUOUSLY CANON FAC LOG

SECRET AMBIGUOUSLY CANON FAC LOG

It was like he could feel it. He'd had a headache since Monday, and it had only been increasing in intensity since. Maybe it was a reflection of the increasingly disruptive damage the chemicals were doing to his brain. Maybe it was a couple days of nothing but stress and fear taking its toll on him.

He didn't know. All he knew is that soon he wouldn't be feeling either of those things, so he may as well experience them while he could.

He was curled up on the stolen pillow pile, hugging his shoulders and wishing there was anything he could do to fix things, even a little bit. But he couldn't think of it. There was nothing anybody there could do except wait.

The other options were too frightening to contemplate.

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Sollux knocks on the door. There's a knife in his sylladex. One he doesn't want to use, but knows he has to because it's the only chance they have this week, and also because he doesn't want to see Karkat suffer.

"KK. Can I come in?"

He stumbled to his feet, feeling clumsy and disorientated. He didn't like how it was getting increasingly hard to think coherently. How bad would it get? What will it feel like when it inevitably happens?

He doesn't resist the idea of Sollux coming in at all this time. Honestly, he needed the support.

"Yeah. Hey." He held the door open for him to come in.

It's hard to think clearly, and it's a little hard to think about what will happen if he does this. It's hard for him to think about if this will hurt him or about if it will hurt Karkat. He only knows he had the thought and that he had to do it. He walked inside. Should he do it now? His stomach was twisting. No, not yet. Just a little longer.

"Hey... How's it faring?"

Karkat looked at him for a long moments before staring at the floor, shaking his head as he started retreating further into his block.

"I don't fucking know." Another long pause. "I...I can't do anything, Sollux." He stops, rubbing his arm. "They're not stopping it. They're not...what are we supposed to do?"

He looks away. It's almost painful, seeing Karkat that vulnerable.

"I don't know." and it's a lie. "Well I had an idea, but. I don't know." and he focuses on the floor because for some reason its the only place he can look right now.

It was like he noticed the way he'd just made Sollux uncomfortable, because he closed up his posture, trying to set his expression into something stronger. He furrowed his brow, watching Sollux hesitantly.

"Well...like what?" he asked after a moment.

And he uncaptchalogues the knife, so he's holding it in his hand.

"Like this." and he hesitantly raises his head to look at him.

Karkat just stared at it, confused, taking an impulsive step back at the sight of a weapon. It was hard to put two and two together here, harder than it should have been. Something tells him that he'd thought of this same idea himself earlier, but he can't remember what it was supposed to accomplish.

"I...what? Sollux...what do you mean?" He sounded scared and confused. He really didn't understand what was going on anymore.

Sollux is still looking at him, but his gaze is unfocused, his attention clearly focused inward. His mind me be going, but he can still hear the screams. It makes it harder than ever to focus, but this one idea rings through, stronger than ever before.

"We have to die. It's the only way."

And he knows he's promised himself he wouldn't do this anymore. Wouldn't let himself be torn between decision, and so he glances to Karkat once more, focusing on the scared troll in front of him, and then, he attacks, lunging forward, swiping with the knife as he goes.

Karkat's grey eyes went wide as Sollux lunged, stumbling back even further and just barely out of the reach of the knife.

"What? No - no, we can't! I can't!" he cries back, suddenly terrified, because he can't remember what this was trying to accomplish but he recalls enough to know what will happen to him if he dies.

"No!" Sollux suddenly shouts, and he sounds like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum but he doesn't have the capacity to even remember he should care.

"We have to. It's the only way." and really he isn't sure why it's the only way, but he just knows that it is, and he knows he has to do it and he has to do it now. And he moves again, slashing with the knife instead of stabbing, aiming to hit him right across the chest.

The tone just makes him more frightened - especially as the edge of Sollux's blade skims cross the front of his shirt, rending the cloth. Moments later he's uncaptalogued his own weapon, swiping Sollux's blade out of the way.

He holds it out at length, trying to keep Sollux back.

"Stay...stay away from me."

He watches his blade go flying, and stares at Karkat, he feels not the slightest bit of fear as he stares down those scythes, a look of anger contorting his face.

"No! I have to do this!" and he closes his eyes, putting his hands over his ears, leaning slightly over himself. God they were so loud, he had to. He had to do this, but why did he have to do this. He didn't think he wanted to, it wasn't that, it was something more than that.

Karkat hesitated, lowering his blade a little. His own heartbeat was dizzying, distracting him from sorting things out. Sollux was freaking out. He could tell that much. But he didn't know what to do to stop him.

He didn't know he didn't want to hurt him though, so he just took another step away, holding his sickle defensively.

"Don't," was all he could squeeze out, voice unbearably tight.

And he shouted, shooting up straight, flinging his arm and his telekinesis out like a whip and knocking the sickle from Karkat's hand. In an instant Karkat's weapon was in his own hand and he was flinging him against the wall, slashing at him immediately after with the sickles point. He had no idea how to wield Karkat's weapon, but he didn't have much idea about how to correctly use a knife either. He sliced through the flesh at Karkat's chest, seeing the red well up from broken skin to fill the crack in the grey and black.

And he dropped the sickle to the ground. Taking a step back and stumbling, falling to the floor.

The sickle's point hooked deep between his ribs before tearing a long gash up and across his chest. His eyes went wide with shock, his body freezing, locked in place as the burning pain of the wound fell into place. He tried to breathe with a sudden, shaking gasp, only to feel something wet come up his throat instead.

The sickle clattered on the floor. He could hear Sollux falling but he didn't see it. He didn't really see anything. It was just a blur of pain and terror before the telekinesis gave way and his body helplessly slumped down against the wall.

He pressed one of his hands to the wound in his side, feeling hot red blood flow between his fingers. Something hot was also beading at the corners of his eyes as he choked out a long cry of hurt. His body crumpled, curling in on itself defensively.

Sollux didn't hear the clatter, didn't see that slump, all he saw was red as his mind filled with the image of dripping blood, all he could hear was the chorus of protests inside his own head. Even the screaming was gone, momentarily replaced by an endless loop of nonononono ever increasing in volume. Sollux stumbled to his feet, in a haze, clutching at his head again, he didn't understand anything.

"No." he whined, his voice pitiful as he moved to stumble out of the room. nonoNoNONONO He shouted again, to block out the noise. A painful sound that tore from his throat and then, he turned and ran, jumping halfway, flying out of the door before he even had a chance to turn and look back, to see what he'd done.

[and then presumably he went to find eridan and get murderated.]

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SECRET AMBIGUOUSLY CANON FAC LOG

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